Deck the Halls, Book the Acts: A December Entertainment Triage for Panic-Stricken Offices
Photo: Lands Department, Survey Office, Cartographic Branch, Photographic Section, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
Every November, my inbox undergoes a transformation. In June, it's a gentle trickle of enquiries, politely worded, six months ahead. By the first of November it's a blizzard of subject lines in capital letters: PARTY HELP??, ARE YOU FREE 15TH?!, and my personal favourite, "URGENT (sorry)".
I don't mind. Truly. But I've noticed the same avoidable patterns every year, and since I'm on the receiving end of several hundred festive enquiries, I figure I owe you all a public service. Consider this the performer's-side field manual for booking December entertainment with your dignity — and your budget — intact.
The Realistic Timeline (Which Nobody Follows)
Here's how the festive booking calendar actually works from where I sit:
- January–March: The organised. Corporate bookers with budget cycles and diaries. They get first pick and, frankly, the best performers.
- April–August: The sensible. Summer weddings book, and forward-thinking party planners quietly bag their December date.
- September–October: The aware. These people have seen one Christmas advert and felt a chill. Good on them.
- November: The brave. This is when the panic sets in. Availability exists, but it's patchy — you're now booking around the acts that got snapped up in April.
- December: The desperate. Yes, miracles happen. No, I can't guarantee I'll be one of them.
The lesson isn't "book in January or perish." It's that every month you wait, your options narrow. There is always someone available in December. Whether that someone is any good is a different question entirely.
What "Available" Actually Means in November
When I say I'm "available on the 15th," here's the fine print: I'm available unless something better-secured falls through, unless the M6 has opinions, and unless the venue turns out to have the acoustics of a swimming pool. When an entertainer says they're "provisionally holding" your date, that means exactly that — a hold, not a booking. Dates don't become yours until a deposit changes hands. I've lost count of the parties that fell apart because two companies both believed they'd "booked" me on the same night and neither had paid a penny.
Conversely, if you've enquired and I've said "I'll get back to you," that's not a yes. Chase it. Politely. November me responds to chasing much faster than November me responds to hope.
The Questions That Get You a Fast Reply
Want a performer to drop everything and respond within the hour? Send one message containing the following:
- The date. Not "sometime in December." The actual date. Ideally with a start time.
- The venue and its postcode. "Our office" means nothing to me until I know whether it's in Cardiff or Carlisle.
- The audience. Fifty people? Three hundred? Children present, or is it strictly prosecco and questionable dancing?
- What you actually want. Close-up magic during drinks is a completely different job to a stage show after dinner. Say which.
- Your budget range. I know. It feels awkward. But "what's your rate?" followed by silence when I answer wastes both our Decembers.
That's it. Five lines. You'd be amazed how many enquiries arrive as a single sentence: "Hi, are you free in December?" Free in December! What a question. I'm free in December in the same way the M25 is free-flowing.
A Word on the Ones You Booked in April
If you're reading this having secured your entertainment back in spring — congratulations, you are the reason December me sleeps occasionally. Do your past self proud: confirm the details by mid-November. Send the parking information. Warn me if the party is in a marquee. Marquees in December are a whole article of their own, and not a cheerful one.
The Honest Bit
Will booking early guarantee you the perfect act? Mostly. Will following this guide guarantee you a stress-free December? Almost. Will I still turn up to someone's party on the 15th having been given the wrong postcode, in the rain, with a suitcase of tricks and a heart full of goodwill? Absolutely — because that, dear reader, is the job.
But it goes smoother for everyone when you send the postcode.
Happy booking. And if you're enquiring on the 12th of December for the 15th — godspeed. I'll do what I can.
